Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Madam Zaritska Predicts My Pregnancy!!

I was looking in the mirror the other day and noticed a little "Buddah" growing where my six-pack used to be. Maybe now it looks more like a tall can or a 40 oz of Colt 45. Whatever.

Given my moodiness lately, the vomiting I experienced Sunday night, my lime green toenails, the way I cross my legs when I sit, that the baby virus is going around Grace right now, or whatever, I must be pregnant.

Here is what Madame Zaritska thinks of all this:

The day you deliver, outside will be hazy. Your baby will arrive in the early morning. After a labor lasting approximately 17 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 15 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have medium hazel eyes and a lot of red hair.

Basically, after 17 hours I get to birth a male red bowling ball

Sweet.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It Was All a Hoax!!!!!!!

Thanks to Brian Terreson for going to Snopes for me. This "LIFE IN THE 1500's is all made up hooooooeeeeyyyyyy.

Don't I feel like an idiot.

Life in the 1500's, Part 2

Here are more tidbits from the same email:

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It
was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small
animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof when it rained it became slippery and
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying; it's
raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a
real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your
nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top
afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt; hence the
saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the
winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened
the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the
entranceway; hence the saying a thresh hold.


Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so,
tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the
loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes
knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road
would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the
kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up; hence the custom of holding a wake!

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury
people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house,
and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were
found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been
burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse,
lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.)
to listen for the bell; thus, someone! could be, saved by the bell or was
considered a ...dead ringer..


I love this stuff

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Life in the 1500's, Part 1

Amy got this email the other day, and I thought I would put it up here in parts.

I find these types of historical tidbits interesting, especially to learn where our phrases originated from.

***LIFE IN THE 1500'S***

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about Life in the 1500's:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and
still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so
brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom
today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.. The man of the house had
the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the
women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so
dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the
baby out with the Bath water..

Friday, January 23, 2009

I Don't Get the Infatuation With Obama Addendum

Well, turns out Obama is a man of his word.

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20090123/NEWS-US-OBAMA-ABORTION/

I remember having a conversation with a brother in Christ who was trying to assure me that a president who many on both sides of the political spectrum considered a Socialist, would keep his word that he would try and stay closer to center where most Americans are. I remember wondering at the time if my friend paid attention to everything Obama actually did say and why on earth my friend would be crazyor naive enough to think that he would. Crazy.

This blog was not intended to be a political thing. Like I said, I am not into politics.

But I will say that I have a sinking feeling that with the combination of an activist President and a Democratic Congress, we ain't seen nothing yet.

Blessings,

Matt

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Don't Get the Infatuation With President Obama

OK. So I strongly dislike politics, politicians, the political process, etc. I also find debates about this whole topic in the present climate unproductive, unfruitful, and frustrating.

That being said, I have had a lot on my chest about this whole topic, and I think that putting this out here for all my friends and people of Grace to see will be good for me.

I am also writing this to the many people I know who consider themselves Christian and who are avid/rabid supporters of our new president and his policies. It is to these brothers and sisters that I pose the statement: "I DON'T GET YOUR INFATUATION WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA." There, I said it. Boy do I feel better already.

I watched many of his debates with McCain and some of the other Democratic nominees, listened to many speeches of his, have read parts of some of his ideas. I don't consider myself an expert by any stretch of the imagination. But here is what I saw:

1) He is an excellent communicator. One of the best that we have seen in a long time.

2) He ran a flawless campaign. There was not one major slip-up for the Republican Party to capitalize on, unlike McCain who seemed to stumble at every turn

3) When he did say some things that made you go "what did he just say??!!??" you never heard them because the media wanted him to be President. Don't believe that statement? If you wanted to sell papers and increase interest in your news casts, who would you rather have. An old white guy who was not bringing much to the table or a charismatic young black man poised to make history? Did you watch the debates he had with Senator Clinton? I will say it again, the media WANTED him to be president

4) He hardly ever came out and said anything about how he was going to accomplish his ambitious claims.

I am not accusing any of you of being ignorant or somehow weak Christians for voting for him. And believe me, I will be praying for him often that he can lead our country well. He is my president too.

Once I looked past the "yes we can" mantra, and I do mean mantra in the Buddhist understanding of that word, (interesting that both liberal and conservative analysts agree that his speech writers used common brain washing/mass mind techniques), past the rhetoric about taking care of the poor, personal responsibility, improving our global image, universal/socialized medicine, etc, I saw some very troubling ideas emerging. Ideas that I frankly DO NOT understand how a Christian could support him.

He has said that one of his first priorities will be to sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act, the same act that was vetoed by Reagan, then signed by Clinton, then repealed by Bush. I am not one of those "one issue" people. There are other fish to fry than this one. HOWEVER, It will repeal every local restriction placed on abortion currently in the books, including parental notification, waiting periods, even opening the door for removing the right for people of faith to refuse to give one. It will increase at a minimum the number of abortions each year a minimum of 125,000. It will also mean that your tax dollars will be going to support federally funded programs which encourage this behavior, both here in America and foreign countries who were cut off during the Bush administration.

But here is the kicker. It will make partial birth abortions legal. For those of you who don't understand the gravity of your vote here, he says that a woman has the right to choose to have a doctor reach into the birth canal, snip open the head and neck of the baby, suck out its brains, pull the lifeless body out of the canal and dispose of it in a garbage can. HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT SUCH RUTHLESS, INHUMANE, SATANIC, VILE, MURDEROUS TACTICS? How can you look your King and God in the eye and say that this is somehow OK, or turn a blind eye? How can you support someone who says that this falls under the category of a "woman's right to choose"? How can you support someone, even say "I love Jesus, and I love Barak Obama", and condone this?

Think of the biblical requirements to be a pastor. What would you think about a guy who met all the Titus and 1 Tim requirements, but slept around and cheated on his wife. Or molested children. But he met all the other requirements, just had one thing wrong. Would he be Biblically disqualified? Of course he would! If you were an outsider to the church and you found out that they were turning a blind eye to this sin, what would your honest reaction be? You probably would think there was something seriously wrong with that church. The difference here is that he is the president of the United States, not a local pastor. He leads our great (though declining) nation. And millions of young evangelicals not only support him, but are and were evangelists for his message.

I am sorry, but there is something wrong with this and I challenge each one of you to justify your decision about this topic, BIBLICALLY. Not what you feel is good and right. Make a BIBLICAL case that abortion is OK and that Jesus would support someone who said it was, and would want his followers to support it as well.

I need to stop. I can see pictures of my beautiful little girls. How God made them and formed them in the womb. How He knows the number of hairs on their precious heads. I am so worked up right now I need to dry my eyes and pray.

Blessings,

Matt